It’s been a strange few months.
December started with something exciting – getting a new car – and ended in a way we definitely didn’t expect. On the 27th of December, only 2 weeks after getting it, the car was involved in an accident when another driver pulled out without paying attention.
Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt, but it was still a stressful situation to deal with. Anyone who’s gone through it knows how draining the aftermath can be: repairs, paperwork, and the general frustration of having something new suddenly become a problem to solve.
In the grand scheme of things it could have been much worse, but it was still one of those moments that forces everything to pause for a bit.
Something Else We’ve Been Dealing With
Alongside the car situation, there’s been something else happening over the last year that’s been harder to explain.
For a while now, James has noticed changes in behaviour – particularly around impulsiveness and decision making. Not just the occasional impulse purchase or quick decision, but a noticeable shift in how quickly things move from idea to action.
At first it was easy to brush off as stress, lifestyle changes, or just part of adjusting to everything that’s happened over the past couple of years. But as time went on it became clear that there might be more to it.
After speaking with doctors, the suggestion has been that James may be neurodivergent, specifically that traits associated with ADHD and autism could be present. Because of that, he’s now going through the formal assessment process.
Why This Might Only Be Showing Up Now
One of the more interesting things doctors mentioned is the concept of masking.
Masking is when someone unconsciously adapts their behaviour to fit social expectations – essentially learning patterns of behaviour that hide underlying traits. Many people do this without even realising it.
In James’s case, the view from doctors is that masking has likely been very high for most of his life.
Another factor they raised was coping mechanisms.
Before weight loss surgery, food was often used as a coping mechanism – something that helped regulate stress, focus, or emotions without really thinking about it. Once that coping mechanism disappeared, some of the traits that had previously been muted may have become more visible.
It’s not that these behaviours suddenly appeared. It’s more that they were previously managed in ways that aren’t available anymore.
Understanding It Rather Than Fighting It
Right now, the goal isn’t to label things unnecessarily or jump to conclusions.
The assessment process takes time, and there’s still a lot to understand. But even starting that process has already been helpful because it reframes some things that never quite made sense before.
Things like:
- difficulty switching off mentally
- hyper-focus on certain projects
- impulsive decisions
- feeling very calm in situations others find stressful
- and sometimes struggling with things that seem simple to other people
Seen through a different lens, some of those behaviours start to look less like flaws and more like patterns.
And once you understand patterns, you can start working with them rather than constantly fighting them.
Why We’re Talking About This Openly
One of the reasons for sharing this update is that weight loss journeys often get presented as if they end once the weight is gone.
In reality, that’s rarely the case.
Major weight loss changes more than just the number on the scale. It changes routines, coping mechanisms, identity, and sometimes even the way underlying traits show up in everyday life.
For us, the last year has been a reminder that health isn’t only physical. Sometimes improving one area of life reveals other things that were always there but hidden.
What Happens Next
For now, the focus is simply on understanding things better.
James is going through the formal assessment process, which will take some time, and in the meantime life carries on much as normal – work, projects, recovery plans, and everything else that comes with it.
If anything, the biggest takeaway so far is that understanding yourself better is never a bad thing, even if the answers take a while to arrive.
And compared to dealing with insurance companies after crashing a brand-new car, the rest of it almost feels straightforward.
Life after major weight loss is rarely as simple as the before-and-after photos suggest.
Sometimes it’s about navigating setbacks, like a car accident you didn’t cause. Other times it’s about learning things about yourself that were always there but easier to ignore.
Either way, it’s all part of the same journey – figuring things out as you go.
And as always, we’ll keep sharing the honest version of that journey here.