The Comments You Do Not Expect
When you lose a significant amount of weight after gastric sleeve surgery, people say things. Some of those things are kind and well-intentioned. Some of them are strange, intrusive, or genuinely difficult to hear. One of the most common and one of the hardest to navigate is some version of: “You’re wasting away” or “You’ve lost too much” or “Don’t lose any more, you’ll make yourself ill.”
These comments come from people who care about you. They usually come from a place of concern, not criticism. They are still hard to deal with.
Both of us have navigated these conversations in the two years since our surgery at Weight Loss Riga in March 2024. James lost over 12 stone from a starting weight of around 30 stone. Kirsten lost over 8 stone. The comments began before we were anywhere near a healthy weight, and they continued long after.
Why People Say This
The people who know and love you have become accustomed to your body as it was. Significant and rapid change – particularly when it happens over months rather than years – can be alarming even when the change is healthy. Some people have also absorbed cultural messaging that links thinness with illness, or that interprets visible weight loss in someone who was previously large as a potential sign of disease.
There is also a well-documented phenomenon in research on weight stigma: people who are used to relating to someone as overweight sometimes struggle to update their perception even as the person’s body changes. The person they knew is being replaced by a different-looking person, and the adjustment is not always smooth or fast.
How We Have Responded
The response that has worked best for us is honest, brief, and non-defensive. Something like: “I’m actually at a healthy weight now – my blood tests are good and my doctors are happy with where I am.” This gives information, closes the conversation without drama, and makes clear that there is medical oversight involved.
What does not work is becoming defensive or over-explaining. Most people asking are not trying to be critical – they are expressing concern in the clumsy way that concern sometimes comes out. Treating the comment as caring rather than intrusive, even when it feels intrusive, tends to produce better outcomes in the relationship.
There have been times when more is needed – when the person persisting with concern is someone close enough that a longer conversation made sense. In those cases, sharing some of the specific health improvements – James’s NAFLD returning to normal liver function within three weeks of surgery, the resolution of high blood pressure and pre-diabetic markers for both of us – tends to shift the conversation from worry to understanding.
When It Gets Harder
The comments are harder to manage when you are already having a difficult day with body image, or when they come from someone whose opinion matters a great deal to you. They are harder when you are still in the process of updating your own sense of your body – which, after losing 12 stone rapidly, takes time.
If these comments are affecting you significantly, speaking with a therapist who has experience with bariatric patients and body image is worthwhile. The psychological adjustment to significant weight loss is real and demanding, and having professional support navigating it is not weakness – it is good sense.
Sources
NICE CG189 – Obesity: identification, assessment and management
British Psychological Society – Psychological aspects of obesity
NHS – Weight loss surgery: what to expect afterwards
About this content
This blog is written by James and Kirsten, a couple from the UK who had gastric sleeve surgery together in March 2024.
We started this blog because we couldn't find any sources of content that details before surgery, the surgery and then life post surgery - so we decided to write one ourselves.
Everything on this site is based on our own experience and the research we have done along the way. It is not medical advice. Gastric sleeve surgery is a serious procedure and every patient's journey is different. Please always consult your own bariatric team or GP before making any decisions about your health or treatment.
Some posts on this site may contain featured or sponsored content, or affiliate links. Where this is the case, it will always be clearly stated at the top of the article. Our opinions are always our own.
Publish Date: 2 July 2025 | Last Reviewed: 7 June 2026 | Next Planned Review: 7 December 2027